Bad Apologies

New Gay thinks this is the perfect Christmas gift. I strongly object. How do you know if you're clean!?!? [And would we eventually evolve and poop white?] Black toilet paper doesn't have the patented "skidmark prevention system" of American white toiletpaper. Seriously, enough of my tightie whities have already suffered. At best, I might purchase a tri-tube of this as a rude practical joke for the guests at my next holiday party.

To prove that you still have to be somewhat intelligent to use Google correctly, here are searches that led to bad apologies over the weekend:

• Hanover, Pennsylvania: apologies of 2006
• Amsterdam: rize up
• Indiana: give boyfriend buzzcut
• Nashville, Tennessee: "It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots."
• Aukland, New Zealand: watch rize krump with tommy
• Huntsville, Alabama: apologies + marriage
• India: humour on cough and cold
• Greenfield, Indiana: lizzie west bad

And my favorite:

• Marietta, Georgia: banging on the door cant hear a thing

*New favorite:

• From San Diego, California: a man who dated a drag queen without knowing it was a man

I used to love this little bugger. He's even nicknamed chinchi because I identified his chinchilla-like noises. But all that is over.

I'm back! Okay, I was only gone for four days, which doesn't really warrant a return. Still, I feel greatly refreshed--and I'm going to need it to get through the next two weeks of work. MOSI and I spent Thanksgiving in SoBe at a too cute bed and breakfast. We didn't do anything remarkable, and that made the whole trip fantastic. I could say more, but I don't do saccharine well.

*Photo Courtesy: El Diablo

If Ms. WAS ever carries our kids, we now know how to proceed.

Thanks J-Wo!

What a frustrating day.

First, I finally realized where my newspaper has been going. There was a brief interruption in my service while a payment method was worked out, and I thought that was still going on. But this morning when I saw a stack of empty newspaper bags had collected outside my new neighbors door, I realized they have been taking them. Who does that?! Do they think that everyone gets a newspaper? Do they not realize that there aren't four copies, one for each apartment?! If you haven't paid for it, it probably isn't yours. They are nice, but apparently simple folk. I'll have to swing by this evening and explain modern adulthood (meaning: send TraniLuver or leave a passive aggressive note).

Then on the subway I had to fight to grab a poll from a poll-hugger. I hate poll-huggers. Especially poll-huggers that look at you and yet hug away.

Then, at work, I had an e-mail from DRS. Yes, the DRS that I asked to hire me in July of 2005.
So a little over a week after I get a promotion at my current job they finally come through with an interview. Are you friggin' kidding me?! Could the timing be worse? I like my current job, and I really like the promotion. But I like DRS too--and it might take my career further. So what do I do? If only they had waited an additional 16 months, I would have been completely ready for the move. Damn their efficiency!

There were many options for today's quote-as-blog-title contest, ala Maryment and Ms. Post No Bills. This quote won out, becuase I couldn't recall the exact wording of Finnean's sexually suggestive declarative at dinner in Bethesda last night (attended by FIVE of the bloggers in the column on the right-->).

Runners-up:
-"I'm not opposed to institutional catering."
-"If you lose the big game, that little boy is gonna die faster than Steve Irwine in a tank full of stingrays."
-Whatever Finnean said.

For the record, I don't like the quote-as-a-blog-title, if only because I always want to know where it came from, and Maryment and Ms. PNB rarely deliver. But they aren't on my "list," ala Red. [You know, blogging from home sucks without the easy of hyperlink button on my browser.]

And apologies to Red, who's bad list I am on, for several reasons. But specifically, apologies for lovable me, but here's one for old times sake: Red, I'm sorry we don't have real jobs. Oh, I mean I'm sorry I implied your job was going to be fake, because really you'll have your own office and income and direct a project, which is arguable more than I do now.

New job feels a lot like the old job. Maybe because no one at the office even knows. Oh well. I'm passing the time counting the accumulation of my hourly wage increase instead. MOSI refuses to share pictures from the weekend, so here's a McSteamy picture instead.

Thank God for full nights of sleep, stick shift cars, the PA turnpike, and gay films on Logo. Watching Beautiful Thing right now with TraniLuver. Looking forward to tomorrow being a brand new day. No regrets. Pictures from the weekend with MOSI possibly to follow.

I. GOT. THE. PROMOTION!

Yes, after the interview last month I got called by HR yesterday, and I am the new project manager! Not only does this mean I now have the authority to head up the activities of the team, but I get a GREAT BIG PAY RAISE!

So excited!

Glee from the election aside, I went to see a preview of Stranger Than Fiction this evening with TraniLuver. I actually really like it, and was touched by the characters and relationships.

Which of course brought me to thinking of MOSI. He was in town for but a brief 36 hours this weekend, of which I got 19 unabated. And with the six month milepost soon to be rushing past, I have just realized how lucky I am to have something that still resonates with poetic beauty. Those hours together went from sensative to passionate and caring to protecting, touching on every shade of both vulnerability and support along the way. The details aside, it was those moments of exposed weakness that were the most poetic, and the release of inhibitions the most romantic.

I love that man.

I'm pretty proud of my predictions so far. I was wrong about Rhode Island, it went to the Democrats. I'm also hoping I was wrong about Virginia, and it goes to the Democrats. I was also, elatedly, wrong about Maryland Governor. Ehrlich lost! Now the Senate hangs on Missouri, Montana, and Virginia. I guess we'll see what world we wake up to. It will certainly be a world that has 4-5 more gay-hating states. Bastards. Off to bed!

Labels: NaBloPoMo, Politics

I forgot my tiebreaker guesses:

TIE BREAKERS
67% Percentage Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) will recieve in her Senate race
38% Percentage Rep. Katherine Harris (R-Fla.) will receive in her Senate race
61% Percentage House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) will receive in his House race

Another day, another post!

Labels: NaBloPoMo, Politics

I've had two beers, so its time to make predictions. I'll note that I'm not as optimistic as some, although I'd like to be. I'm reserving my optimism for the solid defeat of Rick Santorum (as a referrendum on hate) and the sweeping crush of Katherine Harris, whose shameful behavior in the 2000 election in FL (and I'm talking specifically about her stonewalling against what was so blatantly legally required) earns her a slot in Hell with those who oppose the Estate Tax and Ticketmaster. May the tide she has ridden for too long crush her in the undertow.

I'm following the Washington Post Outlook Crystal Ball Contest for these predictions. Thanks NaBloPoMo!

SENATE*
51 REPUBLICANS, 47 Democrats, 2 Others

HOUSE
205 Republicans, 230 DEMOCRATS

GOVERNORS
22 Republicans, 28 DEMOCRATS

Virginia Senate--Allen 52% Webb 47%
Connecticute Senate--Schlessinger 8% Lamont 40% Lieberman 52%
Tennessee Senate--Corker 51% Ford 48%
Missouri Senate--Talent 48% McCaskill 52%

TIE BREAKERS
% Percentage Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) will recieve in her Senate race
% Percentage Rep. Katherine Harris (R-Fla.) will receive in her Senate race
% Percentage House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) will receive in his House race

HOT HUNCH[S - I've got two!]
Gov. Bob Ehrlich (R) will defeat Baltimore Mayor martin O'Malley in Maryland
The Democrats will pick up MO, MT, OH, and PA in the Senate.

Labels: NaBloPoMo, Politics

Thanks to the Government Affairs Institute, I am ready to go with my election game card, below, which can help you track the 61 House races the Cook Political Report is closely watching. Of those, 54 are currently held by Republicans. 13 are in play in the Senate, with eight in Republican hands.

Here are those key races, organized by poll-closing time (the first chance for networks to announce their predictions--unless the races are too close to call). Democrats need a net gain of 15 seats in the House, 6 in the Senate (and it is okay if Lieberman wins as an Independent, he'll still side with the Dems).

By the way, I'm also curious to watch the stem cell research amendment in Missouri and the removal of immunity for judges in South Dakota (which I support and oppose, respectively).

I'll think about making my own predictions, ala the Washington Post Outlook Section, later tonight after a drink or two.

6:00 Most polls close in Indiana and Kentucky
House
Republican held seats:
Indiana districts 2,8,9
Kentucky 2,3,4

7:00 Polls close in Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Vermont, Virginia, and in most of New Hampshire
House
Republican held seats:
Florida 13,16,22
Virginia 2
New Hampshire 2
Democratic held seats:
Georgia 8,12
Vermont at-large
Senate
Virginia (Republican seat)

7:30 Polls close in Ohio, West Virginia, and most of North Carolina
House
Republican held seats:
Ohio 1,2,15,18
North Carolina 11
Senate
Ohio (Republican seat)

8:00 Polls close in Alabama, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, New Jersey, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Tennessee, most of Michigan, and most of Texas
House
Republican held seats:
Connecticut 2,4,5
Illinois 6
New Jersey 7
Pennsylvania 4,6,7,8,10
Texas 22,23
Democratic held seats:
Illinois 8
Texas 17
Senate
Republican held seats:
Missouri, Pennsylvania, Tennessee
Democratic held seats:
Maryland, New Jersey, Michigan

9:00 Polls close in Arizona, Colorado, Louisiana, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Wyoming, and most of South Dakota
House
Republican held seats:
Arizona 1,5,8
Colorado 4,5,7
Minnesota 1,6
Nebraska 3
New Mexico 1
New York 20,24,25,26,29
Wisconsin 8
Wyoming at large
Democratic held seats:
Louisiana 3
Senate
Republican held seats:
Arizona, Rhode Island
Democratic held seats:
Minnesota

10:00 Polls close in Iowa, Montana, Nevada, Utah, most of Idaho, most of North Dakota, and most of Oregon
House
Republican held seats
Iowa 1
Nevada 2,3
Idaho 1
Democratic held seats:
Iowa 3
Senate
Montana (Republican seat)

11:00 Polls close in California, Hawaii, and Washington
House
Republican held seats:
California 4,11,50
Washington 8
Senate
Washington (Democratic seat)

12:00 Polls close in Alaska

*I recognize Bush didn't actually say this word. He's still a brilliant idiot.

Labels: Politics

Like the thousands of resolutions that went beforehand, the prospect of blogging every day for a month just wasn't meant to beat the odds. Even I am a bit surprised that I only made it TWO days, but I like to deliver.

Friday, I was distracted, and then left work early for Ms. Blue Like Mine's San Francisco departure happy hour (might she start blogging again?). I got home at 11 and promised myself to blog right after a Sex in the City rerun, but that was foiled when I awoke in front of the TV at 3 am.

I make no apologies for yesterday, when I had MOSI in town. Hands down, every time I am with him is better than the last.

So now I'm in Miami for work. I had dinner on South Beach with Mommy D, and we'll be together again Tuesday to watch election results come in live. In the meantime, all I have to say is that downtown Miami is strange. The buildings are tall slabs of concrete that overlap one another to the horizon, but the streets are empty. More shocking, the downtown development is phenomenal. I counted over a dozen cranes within just blocks of my hotel. But will this change the character on the street? I suppose I will get a better understanding while I'm here.

And in the strange traffic category, not only did a car swerve off to the side of the road unprovoked as TraniLuver drove me to the airport, but once here on an elevated freeway a massive SUV's tires suddenly squealed and then it lurched left then right then spun 180 degrees around DIRECTLY in front of us. No one was injured, but it was shocking.

Here's to blogging again!

Labels: NaBloPoMo

Went to St. Louis this past weekend to visit family, and got to catch up with old friend Juicy. Was a blast to see her again, and to see the hair growing back out. Here she is driving. You can't tell, but girl is PREGNANT.
So what did she take me to? Why, the Apple Butter Festival, of course. What did they not have much of? Apple Butter. But that's okay, because that made up for it in stands selling cellphone accessories. It was also jammed (ha!) and off limits to vehicular traffic, so we parked and caught a school bus in. The throngs made me think I was participating in that scene from War of the Worlds when everyone had converged on the small ferry town in hopes of securing safe passage across the Hudson(?). All that was missing, obviously, were aliens. Thankfully, Kimmswick, MO, survived. Despite constantly mocking the locals, I think we had a great time. We even found some apple butter!

Labels: NaBloPoMo, Travel

I'm joining the wave, and have decided to participate in NaBloPoMo and blog this entire month. Yay! Woot! Yippee! Sweet! Book!

I'm not sure what I'll ramble on about for an entire month, and I'm certainly not going to waste a good topic on today--only to go downhill tomorrow--so instead I'll propose a contest of my own:

What is the meaning of the word "book," as used in the first paragraph of this entry?

I'll make dinner for the first person with the correct answer. Mind you, I don't cook. Guesses must be posted as comments to this entry. Yes, it is a flagrant plea for someone to write something, anything, before going on to better written blogs. The correct answer must be posted by, um, Saturday, November 4, at midnight. Yeah, it's only three days. Either you know it or you don't. Okay, I guess "or you figure it out" is a third option.

Labels: NaBloPoMo