Friday, October 07, 2005

I Hate FedEx. I (once again) Heart Apple.

Not too long ago, Red and I had a nice Saturday afternoon excursion to our local FedEx facility. I did not previously blog about this, much to Red's horror. You see, I had a package there, an iPod to be exact (a replacement, after the last was stolen), and after a full hour of waiting for it, they informed me that it had been misplaced. Red was appalled, though I'm not sure why - it gave her ample time to learn Swedish with her books. All I could do was make friends with other people in line and serve as a deflation of their hopes that they might find their package.

FedEx first lost points when they informed me that I had to contact apple. You lost it, YOU call Apple, I thought to myself. I called Apple, and after a short investigation, they resent me a new iPod. It would have been nice to have it for my travels to Chicago and NYC, but such is life. Shit happens. Contrary to my nature, as reported by Spew, I went with the flow on this one.

A FedEx investigator even placed a courtesy call to me, to let me know those jokers wouldn't be getting away with it. Great.

Last week, I got a call from Ms. King, who asked if I was missing something. Yes, in a week of it being lost, my iPod made its way from FedEx to the black market, to a local public high school. I had my phone number engraved on the back.

I should take a moment and apologize to my last lover, who got his name and phone number etched on his iPod, for which I mocked him. But I did it myself, and am grateful. To him, I apologize.

I still don't know why this kid took it to school. I mean, there are metal detectors, and electronics are confiscated at the door. Well, he brought it, they confiscated it, and now I have it. The kid even signed up for iTunes and bought 27 songs, including "Killin my Niggaz" and "Bacon & Chedda." Alright, I made that second one up, but its what my Bacon, Egg, and Cheese was rung up as at Einstein Bagels that morning. I thought it would be a good rap song title.

Of course, its not really my iPod. Apple already sent me one. So, all proud of myself, I called Apple and told them I had recovered the stolen one, and would like to provide that information to their investigations unit, as well as FedEx's. Good, that information would be passed on and I would be called.

Several days later, and I get an automatic e-mail from FedEx saying that I can print out the attached label and mail the thing back to Apple at a local FedEx location. NO! Aren't you going to call me for more information? Aren't you going to investigate the stealing of a $400 piece of equipment?

Irate, I called Apple again. This time with two issues. First, I apologetically told them I wanted to return the 2nd one I got, saying it was too big and I just didn't like it. "Sorry," I was told. It was personalized, so it had "no resale value." Right. Next I raised the issue of the stupid e-mail from FedEx. The rep asked that I send it back. "I'm sorry, didn't you just tell me that because its personalized, it has no resale value?" I wasn't going to get screwed by their faulty logic. Look, I said, you're getting them both back, or neither. At least not if I have to do anything more to help you out. You want just the one back, you can come and get it from me.

Anyway, a little bit of persuasion, and Apple has agreed to take BOTH back. Yay! I can get a smaller, simpler one, that doesn't feel like a brick in my pocket. Meanwhile, I hate FedEx, as their investigator, who was gonna get those suckers!, has failed to contact me for details. And apparently all FedEx paid to Apple was $100. B*tches.

Gotta love the b.s. and red tape companies try to put ya through huh?
I hope you keep a copy of Killin My Niggaz before you send it back!
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