Thursday, June 23, 2005

Goggle & Tell

Its a temperate and calm Wednesday night and Alethea and I are sitting outside enjoying burgers at our local haunt. Because there was apparently nothing more interesting at the moment, we were trying to figure out the difference between ham and pork. Is one smoked? I decided it would be googled in the morning.

Alethea: "Oh! You'll have to Google and tell me!"
Me: after laughing and choking on my burger "I never Google and tell."
Alethea: "Did I tell you about the boy who googled and told?"

Sure, its not funny when I write it, but Alethea has sitcom comedic timing. Not like the WB or UPN, but straight up "must-see-TV" Thursday night sitcom timing. Maybe between Will & Grace and Scrubs.

At any rate, the story went that she met a boy for about 10 minutes, he googled her (later on, not while she was sitting there), and on their next encounter he told. Mind you, her name is a lot more generic than Alethea, as is mine. You can't just google her name, you have to think about important or relevant facts. But he did it, he found her, and he told.

Caveat: You can tell on or after the fifth date, when its a "funny story." Before that, and its a deal breaker.

Google failed me. But where google fails, Ask Jeeves prevails.

The most reliable seeming answer came from "Ask Willie Barber,"
Q: What is the difference between pork and ham?
A: Pork is meat from swine that has been processed for food. Ham is pork from the hind leg of the hog. Meat from the front leg is labeled "pork shoulder picnic." Hams are available either cured, smoked, fresh or cooked.

That was also the least clear. It seemed to me that Willie was trying to sound informed and not give a straight answer at the same time. Why was Willie hogging the info to himself? Swine-lover? Protectionist? Other interesting things I found were: "ham is cured and smoked pork leg meat" and "today, ham is usually, but not automatically, the cured hind leg of the hog."

Which leaves us with Alethea apparently being right. Ham is cured pork.

I always understood it, being the carnivore that I am, that "pork" is any type of meat coming from a pig, and a ham is a specific part of the pig, i.e., the leg thing. Bacon is pork. But pork is not bacon. :) Maybe I should start my own "Ask" site.
I went out with a guy once who did worse than "google and tell". He had mad computer skills and traced my IP address back my office and new where I worked before I showed up for the date. Scary.

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